The latter is how many readers have exited not just from affairs but also from abusive relationships.
This protects you from knee-jerking into another situation that you may not recognise as being unsuitable and unavailable due to craving some sort of emotional replacement.
One of the strengths that he’s employed up until this point in the affair is talking you into (and out of) certain things. Promises will be made that are highly unlikely to be kept once you’ve calmed down.
If you let work slide or put off career decisions, prioritise whatever it is, now. Yes, I’m sure there were happy times, but you need to consider the relationship in its totality. Put both feet in reality and get real about who you have really been.
If you were that happy, you wouldn’t be reading this, and it wouldn’t have been an affair. Keep a note of all of the reasons why you’ve broken up and the disappointments.
In reality, she’s a human being with feelings, strengths and weaknesses just like you.
Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were her in the same situation. When you stop seeing her as this inconvenient, pesky obstacle, you will be able to feel compassion and also have self-compassion.
There’s the sense of rejection, loss, and even abandonment that can be activated by an affair.